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Solar Activity Has Electric Companies On Alert

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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Solar Activity Has Electric Companies On Alert

Three large explosions on the surface of the sun may affect satellite technology, communication systems, and the power grid. What do you think?

  • "These $50 Cosmic Irregularity surcharges that keep showing up on my electric bill are killing me.”

    Lou Wilson Ball-Turing Machine Operator
  • "This sounds like the perfect opportunity to talk nonstop about how analog I am. Bring it on!"

    Paula Ballard Felt Cutter
  • "The moon never pulls shit like this."

    Dick McGlown Unemployed

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