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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Solar Activity Has Electric Companies On Alert

Three large explosions on the surface of the sun may affect satellite technology, communication systems, and the power grid. What do you think?

  • "These $50 Cosmic Irregularity surcharges that keep showing up on my electric bill are killing me.”

    Lou Wilson Ball-Turing Machine Operator
  • "This sounds like the perfect opportunity to talk nonstop about how analog I am. Bring it on!"

    Paula Ballard Felt Cutter
  • "The moon never pulls shit like this."

    Dick McGlown Unemployed
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