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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Sony Loses $6.4 Billion

After writing down deferred tax credits, the Sony Corporation reported an annual net loss of $6.4 billion, double its initial projections and marking the fourth year in a row the company has lost money. What do you think?

  • "As soon as an electronics company invents a shower radio that can tune in 90.3, they'll get a sale out of me."

    Paul Finley Plastics Patternmaker
  • "Best Buy doesn't like it when you do this, but Sony should go down and sell some stuff half-price in their parking lot this Saturday. The manager says he'll call the cops, but never does."

    Alison Aviles Unemployed
  • "Oh, no! I hope they still have enough money left to refund these headphones I just shipped back. They were really shitty."

    Malcom Johnson Landscape Architect

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