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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Sony Loses $6.4 Billion

After writing down deferred tax credits, the Sony Corporation reported an annual net loss of $6.4 billion, double its initial projections and marking the fourth year in a row the company has lost money. What do you think?

  • "As soon as an electronics company invents a shower radio that can tune in 90.3, they'll get a sale out of me."

    Paul Finley Plastics Patternmaker
  • "Best Buy doesn't like it when you do this, but Sony should go down and sell some stuff half-price in their parking lot this Saturday. The manager says he'll call the cops, but never does."

    Alison Aviles Unemployed
  • "Oh, no! I hope they still have enough money left to refund these headphones I just shipped back. They were really shitty."

    Malcom Johnson Landscape Architect
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