Sony Stops Making Walkman

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Vol 46 Issue 43

Desperate NFL Needs Big Win To Turn Season Around

NEW YORK—After eight weeks of play with no teams emerging as clear front-runners, the National Football League desperately needs at least one spectacular win to salvage its lackluster season, sources confirmed Monday.

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BLACK FOREST, GERMANY—Townsfolk told reporters Tuesday that they can't wait for the next full moon, as they much prefer the bloodthirsty lycanthropic form of "insufferable" local blacksmith Hans Meyer, who was bitten by a werewolf eight mo...
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Sony Stops Making Walkman

Sony has announced it will no longer manufacture the Walkman, the cassette player that revolutionized music portability 30 years ago. What do you think?

  • "But what if I need to convince a coma patient that it's 1985?"

    Xena Dine
    Dog Groomer
  • "You don't need a thousand songs at your disposal as long as you got your Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat in the player and some Belinda Carlisle in your pocket if you need a changeover."

    Lloyd Martey
    Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, no! How is my eighth-grade girlfriend going to listen to that 'Our Love Is Synthesized' mix-tape I made her?"

    Randall Popp
    Unemployed
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