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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Sony Stops Making Walkman

Sony has announced it will no longer manufacture the Walkman, the cassette player that revolutionized music portability 30 years ago. What do you think?

  • "But what if I need to convince a coma patient that it's 1985?"

    Xena Dine Dog Groomer
  • "You don't need a thousand songs at your disposal as long as you got your Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat in the player and some Belinda Carlisle in your pocket if you need a changeover."

    Lloyd Martey Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, no! How is my eighth-grade girlfriend going to listen to that 'Our Love Is Synthesized' mix-tape I made her?"

    Randall Popp Unemployed

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