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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Source Of Mysterious Space Radio Signals Found

Scientists have determined that a unique series of radio wave bursts detected since 2007 are coming from a dwarf galaxy 3 billion light years away, though the waves are not likely to signal alien activity. What do you think?

  • “Tell them to knock it off!”

    Dean Berry Unemployed
  • Just to be safe, we should probably blast some radio signals toward them containing Q104.3’s Two For Tuesday lineup as a peace offering.”

    Karl McCluskey Resource Funneler
  • “It’s humbling to learn that nothing is happening billions of light years away.”

    Krista Moreland Wiring Expert

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