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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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South Dakota Abortion Ban

South Dakota is poised to enact an abortion ban that would include cases of rape or incest. What do you think?
  • "This shouldn't have much effect on the lives of South Dakotans. Based on the population figures, it's clear that they are terrible reproducers."

    Jonathan Harford Systems Analyst
  • “Who knew a move to North Dakota would ever look like an attractive option?”

    Ellie Kemper Prosecutor
  • “Slow down, South Dakota. Alito and Roberts were given lifetime appointments. What's the rush?”

    Dave T. Koenig Gardener

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