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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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South Park vs. Scientology

Following the departure of Isaac Hayes last week, Comedy Central pulled an episode of South Park that lampooned Tom Cruise and Scientology. What do you think?
  • "Leave the Scientologists alone, already. Don't they have enough to worry about, what with the tyranny of the galactic God Xenu and his evil body thetans?"

    Stephen Grossman Epidemiologist
  • "Comedy Central has already insulted Scientology with its glib representations of battling robots."

    Brianna Hodges Industrial Engineer
  • "I'm with Isaac Hayes. Shows about testicles, talking feces, and starving Africans are one thing, but discussing Scientology is offensive."

    Jeremy Marshka Mathematician
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