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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Southern Food Causes Strokes?

A new study has linked the highly fatty and extremely sweet foods often consumed in the American South, such as sweet tea and fried chicken and fish, with southern states’ high rates of stroke. What do you think?

  • “I don’t know about all you other gals, but I, for one, find men with a slight Southern drawl and some facial paralysis incredibly charming.”

    Regina Ruddy Linguist
  • “You Yankees can call them ‘strokes’ or whatever you want. Down here they go by the name of ‘The Tasty Clots.’”

    Conrad Moser Box Maker
  • “Nah, they’re just stroking out because it all tastes so darn good.”

    Don Chao Upholstery Restorer

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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