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A Primer On The Dark Web

With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Southern Food Causes Strokes?

A new study has linked the highly fatty and extremely sweet foods often consumed in the American South, such as sweet tea and fried chicken and fish, with southern states’ high rates of stroke. What do you think?

  • “I don’t know about all you other gals, but I, for one, find men with a slight Southern drawl and some facial paralysis incredibly charming.”

    Regina Ruddy Linguist
  • “You Yankees can call them ‘strokes’ or whatever you want. Down here they go by the name of ‘The Tasty Clots.’”

    Conrad Moser Box Maker
  • “Nah, they’re just stroking out because it all tastes so darn good.”

    Don Chao Upholstery Restorer
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