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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Space Shuttle Discovery Moves To D.C.

On its final flight, the Space Shuttle Discovery left Florida for Washington, where it will be part of the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. What do you think?

  • "Don’t they have enough rockets stuffed into that place? How about throwing a bone to Muncie’s scrappy new Outer Space Fun Center?"

    Walter Vere-Jones Knit-Goods Washer
  • "Aw, nuts. This is going to rekindle my kid's love of learning all over again."

    Corinne Hammon Order Caller
  • "Why didn't they just land it in the moon's museum? What do you mean there's no museum on the moon? Dear God. That place must be full of savages."

    Sean Griggs Machine Sprayer
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