After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Spanking Doesn't Work

A study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal analyzed two decades of research and found that children who were punished physically became more aggressive over time, while those who weren't became less aggressive. What do you think?

  • "In fairness, those kids who were punished physically were probably bigger punks to begin with."

    Jason Conn Contact-Lens Molder
  • "Locking them in the basement is no way to go, either. Later they won't go down there to help organize shit."

    Carlos Post Lightout Examiner
  • "I saw a disturbing example of this very thing just last night at the bar. Two guys got into a disagreement, and the more aggressive one pulled the other one over his knee and spanked him."

    Jessica South Wort Extractor

After Birth

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