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Spanking Leads To Aggressive Children

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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.
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Spanking Leads To Aggressive Children

According to a study in the forthcoming issue of Pediatrics, 3-year-olds who are spanked more frequently are more likely to bully and hit at age 5. What do you think?

  • "Okay, but how about checking out the data on them still stealing ice-cream sandwiches at age 5? Not doing that anymore, are they?"

    Nancy Stone Systems Analyst
  • "I teach my preschooler cutting verbal put-downs instead. She's perfected 'Your mommy buys all your clothes from the clearance rack at Gymboree,' and made up the 'Pee drinker!' apple-juice taunt all by herself."

    Dan Martini Code and Test Clerk
  • "Thanks! That reminds me—I forgot to take my birth control."

    Jon Graham Pastry Delivery Driver

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