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Speeding Up Iraqi Self-Rule

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‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

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PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

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Speeding Up Iraqi Self-Rule

The Bush Administration announced that it hopes to speed up the transition to self-government in Iraq. What do you think?
  • "Jesus, just leave the country, already. Someone else will come in and take it over."

    Charlie Falk Security Guard
  • "This is simply the natural evolution of our policy from Iraquisition to Iraqupation, to Iraqunification."

    Christine Winn Receptionist
  • "Iraq has a history of instability and will require strong leadership in the postwar era. Hey! Is Saddam still alive?"

    Diana Conley Receptionist
  • "Well, I happen to be an unemployed warlord."

    Rodney Dunson Warlord
  • "It makes sense for Bush to pull out. If his own father had exercised the judgment to pull out, the U.S. wouldn't have been there in the first place."

    Robert Swenson Systems <br>Analyst
  • "I'm just hoping Bush gets our boys home before election time."

    Jeff Rondeau Materials Engineer

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