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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Spicy Chips, Snack Foods Sending Kids To ER

Doctors across the country are reporting increases in the number of children arriving at emergency rooms with painfully inflamed stomachs after consuming chips and other snack foods with extremely spicy flavorings, such as Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. What do you think?

  • “Spicy chips are, and have always been, a tough man’s food.”

    Miguel Orosco Moccasin Sewer
  • “My son’s okay with hot stuff, but he can’t have dairy, peanuts, shellfish, wheat, or eggs. He can eat fish, but he hates it.”

    Lauren Duboc Silverware Salesperson
  • “It’s the price you pay for the lifestyle.”

    Jonas Simmons Hull Builder

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