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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Spicy Chips, Snack Foods Sending Kids To ER

Doctors across the country are reporting increases in the number of children arriving at emergency rooms with painfully inflamed stomachs after consuming chips and other snack foods with extremely spicy flavorings, such as Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. What do you think?

  • “Spicy chips are, and have always been, a tough man’s food.”

    Miguel Orosco Moccasin Sewer
  • “My son’s okay with hot stuff, but he can’t have dairy, peanuts, shellfish, wheat, or eggs. He can eat fish, but he hates it.”

    Lauren Duboc Silverware Salesperson
  • “It’s the price you pay for the lifestyle.”

    Jonas Simmons Hull Builder
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