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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Spicy Chips, Snack Foods Sending Kids To ER

Doctors across the country are reporting increases in the number of children arriving at emergency rooms with painfully inflamed stomachs after consuming chips and other snack foods with extremely spicy flavorings, such as Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. What do you think?

  • “Spicy chips are, and have always been, a tough man’s food.”

    Miguel Orosco Moccasin Sewer
  • “My son’s okay with hot stuff, but he can’t have dairy, peanuts, shellfish, wheat, or eggs. He can eat fish, but he hates it.”

    Lauren Duboc Silverware Salesperson
  • “It’s the price you pay for the lifestyle.”

    Jonas Simmons Hull Builder
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