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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Spider Invasion Leads To Mazda Recall

Japanese automaker Mazda announced this week that it’s recalling 52,000 cars that may have been invaded by the yellow sac spider, a species that’s attracted to gasoline and weaves webs inside gas tanks. What do you think?

  • “It’s a small trade-off for being able to drive a Mazda.”

    Kevin Gallant Furnace Inspector
  • “That’s why I’ll always take a good, honest American car filled with good, honest American spiders.”

    Megan Liuzzo Camera Lens Cleaner
  • “It’s nice to have company on long drives.”

    Jeremy Friar Repair Technician

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