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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Spider Invasion Leads To Mazda Recall

Japanese automaker Mazda announced this week that it’s recalling 52,000 cars that may have been invaded by the yellow sac spider, a species that’s attracted to gasoline and weaves webs inside gas tanks. What do you think?

  • “It’s a small trade-off for being able to drive a Mazda.”

    Kevin Gallant Furnace Inspector
  • “That’s why I’ll always take a good, honest American car filled with good, honest American spiders.”

    Megan Liuzzo Camera Lens Cleaner
  • “It’s nice to have company on long drives.”

    Jeremy Friar Repair Technician
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