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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Spitzer Not Charged

Disgraced former New York governor Eliot Spitzer will not be charged for his role in a recent prostitution scandal that brought down his administration. What do you think?
  • "I'm worried this sends a message that anyone could do what he did and get away with just a few weeks of mass-media vilification and the total collapse of one's career."

    Dick Mancowicz Miner
  • "What? Those lame district attorneys. If Eliot Spitzer had been prosecuting himself he'd have thrown his ass in jail months ago."

    Emily Westley Spanish Teacher
  • "I'm sure he'll make it up to all of New York's citizens somehow. Perhaps by having sex with them."

    Phil Sabin Systems Analyst

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