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Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the moon for marketing purposes. What do you think?

  • “Good. I’m sick of seeing ‘Your Ad Here’ every time I look up at the night sky.”

    Keith Jaczko
    Market Analyst
  • “I didn’t think I could possibly be any more excited to drink something called Sweat, but here we are.”

    Stephanie Bregman
    Farmers Market Planner
  • “What an exciting new chapter in human shamelessness.”

    Chris Suchy
    Package Labeler

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