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Spy Satellite Going To Crash

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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Spy Satellite Going To Crash

An American spy satellite launched in 2006 has lost power and expected to fall to Earth in late February or early March. What do you think?
  • "Get your cameras out. If my calculations are correct, the impact will be at least a 7.4 on the Bruckheimer scale."

    Al Barber Systems Analyst
  • "Just like the government, always trying to find a way to get their spy satellites in our business."

    Rachel Mays Department Store Manager
  • "I never knew there would be consequences to mankind's insatiable thirst for knowledge."

    Sean Monnahagn Security Guard

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