Spy Satellite Going To Crash

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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Spy Satellite Going To Crash

An American spy satellite launched in 2006 has lost power and expected to fall to Earth in late February or early March. What do you think?
  • "Get your cameras out. If my calculations are correct, the impact will be at least a 7.4 on the Bruckheimer scale."

    Al Barber
    Systems Analyst
  • "Just like the government, always trying to find a way to get their spy satellites in our business."

    Rachel Mays
    Department Store Manager
  • "I never knew there would be consequences to mankind's insatiable thirst for knowledge."

    Sean Monnahagn
    Security Guard