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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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St. Louis Rated Most Dangerous City

A study of crime statistics showed that, with 2,070.1 violent crimes per 100,000 residents, St. Louis was the most violent city in the United States in 2009. What do you think?

  • "Well, it is such a depressing, pessimistic city, what with that gigantic frown monument they have there."

    Jenn Ashley Assembler
  • "I believe it. I kill people in St. Louis all the time."

    Jeff Ouimet Systems Analyst
  • "Are you serious? But I was just there last summer, and it was fine! The zoo smelled a little too much, and the river was muddy, and my friend was shot, but everyone I met was very nice!"

    Jerry Puleo Compliance Officer
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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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