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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Standardized Testing Bias

Debate is raging over the SAT and other standardized college tests, which many contend are biased against minorities and the poor. What do you think about altering or abolishing such tests?
  • "I see no reason why any high-school senior shouldn't be able to answer questions about basic yachting terminology."

    Gus Browning Accountant
  • "We must make these tests less biased so that qualified minority students will have an opportunity to not be able to afford college."

    Danielle Ross Systems Analyst
  • "There are many factors that are not adequately taken into account in standardized tests, such as who gots the dopest sneakers."

    Carl Kukkonen Engineer
  • "Everyone talks about the minorities, but no one ever talks about those of us who are terrified of paper."

    Ellyn Archer Florist
  • "I was discriminated against during the college-testing process because I come from a culture that is opposed to filling in circles completely and with firm pressure."

    Christopher Rau Waiter
  • "I think the tests should be tailored to the strengths of each individual student. I, for example, would have aced the SAT if it focused less on spatial equations and more on Queensrÿche."

    Donny Slaim Delivery Driver

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