adBlockCheck

Recent News

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Standardized Testing Bias

Debate is raging over the SAT and other standardized college tests, which many contend are biased against minorities and the poor. What do you think about altering or abolishing such tests?
  • "I see no reason why any high-school senior shouldn't be able to answer questions about basic yachting terminology."

    Gus Browning Accountant
  • "We must make these tests less biased so that qualified minority students will have an opportunity to not be able to afford college."

    Danielle Ross Systems Analyst
  • "There are many factors that are not adequately taken into account in standardized tests, such as who gots the dopest sneakers."

    Carl Kukkonen Engineer
  • "Everyone talks about the minorities, but no one ever talks about those of us who are terrified of paper."

    Ellyn Archer Florist
  • "I was discriminated against during the college-testing process because I come from a culture that is opposed to filling in circles completely and with firm pressure."

    Christopher Rau Waiter
  • "I think the tests should be tailored to the strengths of each individual student. I, for example, would have aced the SAT if it focused less on spatial equations and more on Queensrÿche."

    Donny Slaim Delivery Driver

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close