adBlockCheck

‘Star Wars: Episode VII’ Filming Angers Bird Experts

Top Headlines

Recent News

NFL Vows To Fix Bottomless Pit On Levi’s Stadium Field Before Super Bowl

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following persistent safety concerns regarding the playing surface throughout the regular season, the NFL made firm assurances Friday to both the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers that the bottomless pit in the middle of the field at Levi’s Stadium will be fully repaired before Super Bowl 50.

Area Man Would Hate Cam Newton Even If He Was Different Minority

MURRAY, KY—Adamantly stressing that his disdain for the 26-year-old quarterback is not based on any racial prejudice toward African Americans, local 49-year-old Michael Willet told reporters Friday that he would hate Cam Newton even if the Carolina Panthers star was a different minority.

Monocle-Wearing Oil Baron’s Cigarette Holder Splinters In Clenched Teeth After Hearing Bernie Sanders’ Environmental Platform

GREENWICH, CT—Leaving him visibly seething as he sat in his tufted leather wingback chair in his study, monocle-wearing oil baron Frederick Porter Harriman’s ivory-inlaid cigarette holder reportedly splintered between his clenched teeth upon him hearing presidential candidate Bernie Sanders outline his environmental platform during Thursday night’s Democratic debate.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Nightlife

Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

‘Star Wars: Episode VII’ Filming Angers Bird Experts

After production on Stars Wars: Episode VII moved to a remote island off the coast of Ireland, ornithologists and wildlife conservationists expressed anger at J.J. Abrams and the production crew over concerns that filming disrupted the mating rituals of local bird populations like puffins and peregrine falcons. What do you think?

  • “What these bird lovers need to realize is that Star Wars fans will kill every bird in sight if this delays the film’s release.”

    Steve Galindez
    Dentures Molder
  • “Still, you have to admire J.J. Abrams for actually going out and disrupting nature rather than just CGI-ing it.”

    Amy Menapace
    Basket Weaver
  • “I’m just excited that Star Wars might feature two puffins going at it in the background.”

    Chuck Hedley
    Unemployed

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close