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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Starbucks Adding Grilled Cheese To Menu

To compete with rivals like Dunkin’ Donuts that sell lunch items, Starbucks has announced they will add grilled cheese sandwiches to their menu for $5.25, in addition to a turkey pesto panini on focaccia for $5.95. What do you think?

  • “I can’t wait to figure out an annoying way to order this.”

    Tracy Liffmann Floating Teacher
  • “Aw, I always thought Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts were friends.”

    Fred Richert CSI Photographer
  • “I’m glad they’re sticking with their core strength of things you could easily make yourself if you just woke up 10 minutes earlier in the morning.”

    Michael Clements Lobbyist

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