Starbucks Asks Customers Not To Carry Guns

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 38

Pope: Church Must Stop Focusing On Gays, Abortion

Claiming that the Catholic Church had become “obsessed” with “small-minded rules” on social issues, such as contraception, abortion, and homosexuality, Pope Francis said the Church should be more inclusive and focus on spreading me...

Onion Sports’ NFL Week Three Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week three games: Chiefs at Eagles OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Eagles — The Chiefs will completely fall apart during Andy...

Weak Little Man Asks For Help

LINCOLN, NE—Apparently too weak and feckless to execute the task on his own, utterly pitiable little sales associate Nick Gardocki, 27, pathetically asked his coworkers for help on a project Friday afternoon, sources confirmed.

Best Sports Movies Ever Made

With the auto-racing film Rush coming to theaters next week, Onion Sports examines the greatest sports movies of all time. Rocky: The iconic boxing film has inspired millions of dipshits to run up the steps of the Philadelphia...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Innovation

Sleep

Starbucks Asks Customers Not To Carry Guns

Reversing the company’s previous tolerance toward firearms, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz said he “respectfully requests” that all of the coffee chain’s patrons leave their guns at home or in their cars and not bring them into any Starbucks location. What do you think?

  • “I’ll put down the gun once Maria has learned the meaning of ‘no whip.’”

    Win Carasik
    Winemaker
  • “Sounds like some coward CEO’s just trying to avoid a mass shooting at his stores.”

    Franklyn Atwood
    Systems Analyst
  • “But there’s nothing quite like stirring in your cream with the barrel of a .357.”

    Allegra Chase
    Fish Hatchery Manager
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More