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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Starbucks Asks Customers Not To Carry Guns

Reversing the company’s previous tolerance toward firearms, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz said he “respectfully requests” that all of the coffee chain’s patrons leave their guns at home or in their cars and not bring them into any Starbucks location. What do you think?

  • “I’ll put down the gun once Maria has learned the meaning of ‘no whip.’”

    Win Carasik Winemaker
  • “Sounds like some coward CEO’s just trying to avoid a mass shooting at his stores.”

    Franklyn Atwood Systems Analyst
  • “But there’s nothing quite like stirring in your cream with the barrel of a .357.”

    Allegra Chase Fish Hatchery Manager

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