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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Starbucks Debuts ‘Unicorn Frappuccino’

Capitalizing on the internet trend of brightly colored “unicorn food” amidst lagging sales, Starbucks has debuted a “Unicorn Frappuccino” with colorful layers and whipped cream with a dusting of sparkly sugars. What do you think?

  • “I was just looking for a colorful new way of making my barista’s job harder!”

    Ward Johnson Sofa Marketer
  • “Hopefully this product is a hit, as some executive’s job is clearly riding on it.”

    Maude Richards Acid Bottler
  • “I’m willing to cut some pink dust and blue drizzle out of other areas of my diet to make room for this.”

    Hal Burnett Menu Approver

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