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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Starbucks Ending Alcohol Service

After six years of attempting to grow their beer, wine, and small plates service into a popular after-work destination, Starbucks has announced the end of its Evenings program nationwide. What do you think?

  • “Starbucks will hardly be the first place that’s refused to serve me alcohol.”

    Gordon Howell Systems Analyst
  • “Just when the term ‘bartenderista’ was getting big!”

    Lena Mayhew Chipmunk Tamer
  • “Hopefully they’ll still keep a little rum next to the sugar and cream for morning commuters.”

    Robby Hacker Lumber Dealer

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