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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Starbucks Introduces 31-Ounce Cup

On Tuesday, Starbucks introduced its largest-ever drink size, a 31-ounce cup for iced beverages called the Trenta. What do you think?

  • "So decadent. All that ice."

    Dawn Jones Warehouse Manager
  • "Finally. I don't know how they thought we were supposed to wash down their 5-pound, giantasco-sized scones."

    Corey Letts Systems Analyst
  • "Is it me, or do people just not have to pee like they used to?"

    Joe Donovan Unemployed

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