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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Starbucks Opening 3,000 New Stores

The Seattle-based coffee chain Starbucks announced plans to open 3,000 new stores in North and South America over the next five years, with half to be located in the United States. What do you think?

  • “Finally.”

    Alicia Garcia Honey Processor
  • “I was just thinking how this country could use a few thousand more public bathrooms.”

    Barry Rivard Bus Upholsterer
  • “Just out of curiosity, will they be consulting with any existing Starbucks stores regarding their lists of banned customers?”

    James O’Shea Flange Cutter
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