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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Starbucks Opening 3,000 New Stores

The Seattle-based coffee chain Starbucks announced plans to open 3,000 new stores in North and South America over the next five years, with half to be located in the United States. What do you think?

  • “Finally.”

    Alicia Garcia Honey Processor
  • “I was just thinking how this country could use a few thousand more public bathrooms.”

    Barry Rivard Bus Upholsterer
  • “Just out of curiosity, will they be consulting with any existing Starbucks stores regarding their lists of banned customers?”

    James O’Shea Flange Cutter

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