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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Starbucks Opens First Teahouse, Plans 1,000 More

Starbucks opened a teahouse in Manhattan that serves a variety of teas and food items, the first of what it hopes will be 1,000 such stores across the United States. What do you think?

  • “Where do they get all this money?”

    Reinhart Brinkmann Braille Transcriber
  • “I’m doubtful, but I hope this works out for them. Love those Starbucks guys.”

    Melinda Newquist Filter Cleaner
  • “I can’t wait to refuse to eat there because it’s so corporate.”

    Kenny Knipp Unemployed

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