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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Starbucks Removes Beetle-Based Coloring

Starbucks said it would stop using cochineal beetles to color its strawberry Frappuccinos and switch to a tomato-based food coloring. What do you think?

  • “It's a shame they can't just make a strawberry Frappuccino out of some kind of naturally red fruit.”

    Penny Emge Systems Analyst
  • "Great. Now how am I supposed to be the weird guy at Starbucks who impresses girls with his knowledge of what's really in their strawberry Frappucino?"

    Winston Reninger Doffer
  • "Thank goodness cockroaches just crawl right into Dunkin' Donuts coffee machines every day so that I can still get my morning insect fix."

    Blaine Foree Screwhead Polisher

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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