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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Starbucks To Pay Baristas’ College Tuition

Starbucks announced Monday that as part of an effort to save the American middle class, the coffee chain will pay for baristas working 20 or more hours a week to attend online classes at Arizona State University. What do you think?

  • “It’s nice to know that when our civic institutions fail us, our mid-price coffee chains are there to step in.”

    Kevin Becker Systems Analyst
  • “Sounds like a wonderful program, but if it drives up the price of drinks by even a single penny I’m going to throw a fucking fit.”

    Marcia DiBartolomeo Paperwork Processor
  • “It’s still cool to work there aimlessly though, right?”

    Gavin Simson Mascot Designer
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