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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Starr Asks Fans Not To Write

Saying he no longer has time to respond, drummer Ringo Starr announced that he would not accept any more fan mail or objects to be signed after Oct. 20. What do you think?
  • "But it's not just Ringo. I've been writing to George Harrison, and he hasn't responded, either."

    Charles Bent Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, man, then I better hurry over there with this subpoena."

    Carrie Masterson Process Server
  • "Well, that's the end of the Ringo Starr trade. At last I can sell my station wagon and not have to sit in the hot sun at flea markets all summer anymore."

    Jeff Ridges Flea Market Vendor

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