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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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State Of The Union

The President delivered his State of the Union Address last night. What do you think?
  • "We're at war? This is the first I've heard of it."

    Kathryn Siegel Firefighter
  • "It's unfortunate that he ran out of time before he got to talk about Katrina."

    Bert Kolb Systems Analyst
  • "The way the president singled out American heroes like the basketball player and the video lady really made me think about how I need to renew my subscription to Reader's Digest."

    David Karlin Tunnel Engineer

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