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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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State Quarter Program Ending

The nearly 10-year-old State Quarter program will draw to a close this year. What do you think?
  • "Oh, come on! I just came up with a hilarious design for Maine."

    Baly Carlisle Systems Analyst
  • "I don't have time to dick around with this question. I'm short a Kentucky and the clock is ticking."

    Justin Kirsch Translator
  • "And it seems like just yesterday that I also didn't give a shit how I paid the parking meter."

    Chris Davenprort Gardener

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