adBlockCheck

Politics

Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s ...

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

States Eyeing Texting-While-Walking Legislation

Following the first increase in pedestrian fatalities in four years, some states are considering banning the use of electronic devices like cell phones and MP3 players in crosswalks. What do you think?

  • "Now that you mention it, I have noticed I'm running over more people than usual."

    Lucinda Green Systems Analyst
  • "Those little screens are dangerous. That’s why I use a legal pad and fountain pen when I need to compose a message on the go."

    Kevin Barr Signal Inspector
  • "But running over a stupid pedestrian was how I met my wife! She's paralyzed now!"

    Alberto Rodriguez Ophthalmologist

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close