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34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.
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Statue Of Liberty's Crown Reopening

Beginning July 4, the crown of the Statue of Liberty will be open to the public for the first time since Sept. 11, 2001. What do you think?
  • "Lady Liberty is our greatest symbol for freedom, so hopefully they’ll have rigorous racial profiling to ensure her safety."

    Paul Holtzman Insulation Packer
  • "I’m pleased visitors can once again laugh uproariously at the balls joke I scrawled up there during my seventh-grade field trip.”

    Max Foner Circuit Board Etcher
  • "They closed the Statue of Liberty on Sept. 11? Did anything good happen on that day?"

    Claudia Bunning Visual-Information Specialist

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