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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Statue Of Liberty's Crown Reopening

Beginning July 4, the crown of the Statue of Liberty will be open to the public for the first time since Sept. 11, 2001. What do you think?
  • "Lady Liberty is our greatest symbol for freedom, so hopefully they’ll have rigorous racial profiling to ensure her safety."

    Paul Holtzman Insulation Packer
  • "I’m pleased visitors can once again laugh uproariously at the balls joke I scrawled up there during my seventh-grade field trip.”

    Max Foner Circuit Board Etcher
  • "They closed the Statue of Liberty on Sept. 11? Did anything good happen on that day?"

    Claudia Bunning Visual-Information Specialist
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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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