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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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‘Stay The Course’ No More

According to reports, the Bush Administration will no longer use the phrase ‘stay the course’ when talking about the war in Iraq. What do you think?
  • “The new ‘Hang in there, baby!’ army poster picturing a cat in fatigues is a delightful replacement.”

    Lee Stevens Saddle Repairman
  • “Maybe they’ll continue to phase out every sound bite until they stop talking about it at all.”

    Darrin Fields Nurse's Aide
  • “Can I still say it?”

    Roberta Kingsley Pharmacist

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