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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Stealth Bomber Being Retired

The revolutionary $45 million nearly radar-invisible F-117A Nighthawk, better known as the Stealth Bomber, is being phased out of existence by the military by 2007. What do you think?
  • "I, for one, think the Conspicuous Bomber is a terrible idea for a replacement."

    Sara Hamilton Taxidermist
  • "Retiring at the age of 20? Damn, I wish I were an aeronautical killing machine."

    Antonio Giancarlo Website Designer
  • "So this is the thanks it gets after all these years of razing villages for the Pentagon?"

    Tom Dickie Oral Surgeon

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