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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Stem-Cell Science Vetoed

President Bush executed his first veto since entering office on a bill supporting stem-cell research. What do you think?
  • "Maybe Bush would pass the bill if, instead of research, the stem cells would be used for torture."

    Susan Faden Systems Analyst
  • "If God wanted to cure or treat diseases affecting 100 million people, he would've put a sane person in the Oval Office."

    Ray Kiley Bar Back
  • "To Bush's credit, the ailing and enfeebled can't vote, let alone fund a Republican campaign."

    Mitchell Goldberg Lawyer

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