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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Steroid Bust Nets 124

The DEA participated in an international steroid sweep that resulted in the arrest of 124 people, as well as the seizure of 11.4 million doses of drugs. What do you think?
  • "Tell me who's responsible for this outrage so I can beat them with the arm I just ripped off."

    Hilda Wallace Car Alarm Installer
  • "That's too bad. All of the steroid users are going to look so weak and unappealing now."

    Bryan Kanable Systems Analyst
  • "Our prisons are overcrowded enough as it is without going after bulkier criminals."

    Paul Stibbe Coat Check Attendant
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