Steroid Bust Nets 124

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Steroid Bust Nets 124

The DEA participated in an international steroid sweep that resulted in the arrest of 124 people, as well as the seizure of 11.4 million doses of drugs. What do you think?
  • "Tell me who's responsible for this outrage so I can beat them with the arm I just ripped off."

    Hilda Wallace
    Car Alarm Installer
  • "That's too bad. All of the steroid users are going to look so weak and unappealing now."

    Bryan Kanable
    Systems Analyst
  • "Our prisons are overcrowded enough as it is without going after bulkier criminals."

    Paul Stibbe
    Coat Check Attendant