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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Steve Jobs Dead

Apple announced on its website yesterday that company founder Steve Jobs had died. What do you think?

  • “I hope Apple remembered to ask him for a few more ideas.”

    Tom Crecine Car Detailer
  • "iCan't believe he's gone. Hey, when you run this, can you put a lowercase 'i' in front of it, so it looks like an Apple product name?"

    Don Tevanian Enameler
  • "I'm already getting tired of that commercial where John Hodgman brags about how he's a PC and is alive."

    Irene Mandich Pad Maker

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