Steve Jobs Dead

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Vol 47 Issue 40

Apple User Acting Like His Dad Just Died

BOSTON—Calling the death a “tragic loss” and saying he was “truly devastated by the news,” self-described Apple product loyalist Eric Cavanaugh is treating the passing of the company’s former CEO Steve Jobs as if his fucking dad just died, sources confirmed Thursday.
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RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Steve Jobs Dead

Apple announced on its website yesterday that company founder Steve Jobs had died. What do you think?

  • “I hope Apple remembered to ask him for a few more ideas.”

    Tom Crecine
    Car Detailer
  • "iCan't believe he's gone. Hey, when you run this, can you put a lowercase 'i' in front of it, so it looks like an Apple product name?"

    Don Tevanian
    Enameler
  • "I'm already getting tired of that commercial where John Hodgman brags about how he's a PC and is alive."

    Irene Mandich
    Pad Maker
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