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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Steve Jobs Resigns

Said to be in poor health, Apple CEO Steve Jobs stepped down late Wednesday. What do you think?

  • “I thought I saw a new CEO in the Apple Store window display.”

    Douglas Yates Dealer-Compliance Representative
  • “I guess he just finally had to face the facts: The Samsung Galaxy Tab is a superior product.”

    Rick Sullivan Night Auditor
  • “Oh, jeez, for a second there I thought you said Barnes & Noble CEO William J. Lynch, Jr. Thank God the future of the Nook is still in his visionary hands.”

    Krysten Ekenberg Retort Operator
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