adBlockCheck

Steven Tyler Leaving 'American Idol'

Top Headlines

Recent News

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant

The Pros And Cons Of Taking A Gap Year

Malia Obama will wait a year between graduating high school and attending Harvard in 2017, in what is becoming a rising trend among American students. Here are the pros and cons of taking a gap year:

God Loses Pouch Filled With Crystals That Give Him Powers

THE HEAVENS—Grumbling to Himself as He frantically retraced His steps across the Heavens, God Almighty, He Who Commanded Light to Shine out of Darkness, admitted to reporters Monday that He had somehow managed to lose the pouch containing the enchanted crystals that give Him His powers.

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Weddings vs. Eloping

Many couples who don’t want to put the time and money toward a wedding simply run off and get married in secret. Here is a side-by-side comparison of planning a wedding and eloping
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Lawn and Garden

Steven Tyler Leaving 'American Idol'

After two years serving as a judge, 64-year-old Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler announced he is leaving the long-running Fox reality singing competition American Idol. What do you think?

  • “I don’t know if the contest is going to mean anything without Steven Tyler’s legitimizing stamp of approval.”

    Em Morwood Youth Camp Counselor
  • “I’m sort of glad. It’s been weird going to Aerosmith shows and having to stare at that empty microphone stand with all the strands of cloth hanging from it for three hours while the rest of the band plays.”

    Eugene Clifton Unemployed
  • “Well, that’s just great. Now what am I supposed to do with all these illegally branded American Idol wax lips?”

    Nicholas Dolci Shop Owner

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close