adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Steven Tyler Leaving 'American Idol'

After two years serving as a judge, 64-year-old Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler announced he is leaving the long-running Fox reality singing competition American Idol. What do you think?

  • “I don’t know if the contest is going to mean anything without Steven Tyler’s legitimizing stamp of approval.”

    Em Morwood Youth Camp Counselor
  • “I’m sort of glad. It’s been weird going to Aerosmith shows and having to stare at that empty microphone stand with all the strands of cloth hanging from it for three hours while the rest of the band plays.”

    Eugene Clifton Unemployed
  • “Well, that’s just great. Now what am I supposed to do with all these illegally branded American Idol wax lips?”

    Nicholas Dolci Shop Owner

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close