Stewart's Prison Sentence

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City Adds Some Big Concrete Stairs

They’re For Sitting On Or Running Up Or Something

CHICAGO—Noting the structure’s considerable size and prominent location in a busy public park, local residents confirmed Tuesday that the city had installed some big concrete stairs that were probably for sitting on or running up or something like that.
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Stewart's Prison Sentence

The nation awaits Martha Stewart's June 17 sentencing, which will reveal how much time she spends in prison. What do you think?
  • "Martha's headed to jail? Her emotions must be running the gamut from taut-lipped pseudo-WASP rage to unhealthy denial."

    Bruce Bennett
    Systems Analyst
  • "She's just going to learn how to be a better insider trader from all the other inmates."

    Kathy Henderson
  • "I'll be able to sleep easier knowing that another motivated, powerful woman is off the streets."

    Steve Woods
  • "It's about time we cracked down on white-collar criminals without political connections."

    Willi Cooper
  • "The woman is about to go to prison, yet her site still charges 39 bucks for a goddamn egg-shaped beeswax candle?"

    Beverly Ross
    Window Trimmer
  • "Hey, did anyone say how funny it would be if Martha decorated her jail cell in some elaborate way? Oh."

    Nicholas Coleman