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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Stooges Snubbed Again

For the 6th time, punk legends The Stooges have been rejected for induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. What do you think?
  • "What's the rush? I think there is plenty of evidence by now proving that Iggy Pop is incapable of dying."

    Ryan Vodak Salmon Farmer
  • "This type of glaring oversight is really going to hurt when voting for the Hall of Fame Hall of Fame comes around."

    Cynthia Foster Systems Analyst
  • "If that's the case, I'll never listen to those losers again. Thank God we have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to tell us what music is good."

    Kelly Wiener Optometrist's Assistant
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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