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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Store-Bought Honey May Be Dangerous

More than three quarters of the honey on American store shelves may have been smuggled in from China and could be tainted with heavy metals and antibiotics, according to a Food Safety News investigation. What do you think?

  • "That's why I only eat honey I've harvested myself, and that's also why I've never eaten any honey."

    Heather Farquhar Assistant Buyer
  • "What about Fluff? Please say there's no tainted Fluff on my American grocery shelves."

    Pat Cunnington Systems Analyst
  • "This is bad and all, but I'd sure like to meet a Chinese honey smuggler."

    Lance Jamrozy Monument Setter

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