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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Storms Could Deplete Ozone Layer Above U.S.

According to Harvard University scientists, water vapor lofted into the stratosphere by severe summer storms could react with chemicals there to destroy the ozone layer above the central United States, leading to dangerous levels of ultraviolet radiation. What do you think?

  • “At least this will get all my friends from Oklahoma to shut up about how great their ozone is.”

    Patrick Bouchelle Systems Analyst
  • “I guess the only solution is to get some governor to pray to God for less rain, not more.”

    Kaetlyn Marisa Assembly Cleaner
  • “I thought we already proved that anything to do with the climate was fake?”

    Carly West Headwaiter

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