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Politics

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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  • More News

Straight Talk Express Hits Van

John McCain's campaign bus collided with a van on Wednesday. What do you think?
  • "As a McCain supporter, I refuse to acknowledge that as a metaphor."

    Sara Kedzy Systems Analyst
  • "Wait, the Straight Talk Express is not a train? I imagined it looked like Thomas, the Tank Engine, except much angrier."

    Jamie Leteicq Cabinet Maker
  • "Oh, he must have been letting Lieberman drive again."

    Bart Zamost Porter

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