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Stranded Fisherman Sues Cruise Line

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Stranded Fisherman Sues Cruise Line

Panamanian fisherman Adrian Vasquez is suing Princess Cruise Lines after one of its ships allegedly chose to ignore a stalled boat in which he and two companions, who later died, had been stranded. What do you think?

  • “Oh, come on, Princess Cruise Lines? Even if you're cast adrift with no food or water, you shouldn't settle for anything less than Royal Caribbean.”

    Keith Hansen Bench Baker
  • “At least everyone on the ship waved back.”

    Mary Beth Dugan Picture Framer
  • “And where were they supposed to keep him and his crew? The tennis court? The entertainment lounge? The theater? Perhaps one of the prime sun chairs on the lido deck? No, I don't think so.”

    Alvin Courtin Bedder

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