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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Stranded Fisherman Sues Cruise Line

Panamanian fisherman Adrian Vasquez is suing Princess Cruise Lines after one of its ships allegedly chose to ignore a stalled boat in which he and two companions, who later died, had been stranded. What do you think?

  • “Oh, come on, Princess Cruise Lines? Even if you're cast adrift with no food or water, you shouldn't settle for anything less than Royal Caribbean.”

    Keith Hansen Bench Baker
  • “At least everyone on the ship waved back.”

    Mary Beth Dugan Picture Framer
  • “And where were they supposed to keep him and his crew? The tennis court? The entertainment lounge? The theater? Perhaps one of the prime sun chairs on the lido deck? No, I don't think so.”

    Alvin Courtin Bedder

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