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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Stranded Fisherman Sues Cruise Line

Panamanian fisherman Adrian Vasquez is suing Princess Cruise Lines after one of its ships allegedly chose to ignore a stalled boat in which he and two companions, who later died, had been stranded. What do you think?

  • “Oh, come on, Princess Cruise Lines? Even if you're cast adrift with no food or water, you shouldn't settle for anything less than Royal Caribbean.”

    Keith Hansen Bench Baker
  • “At least everyone on the ship waved back.”

    Mary Beth Dugan Picture Framer
  • “And where were they supposed to keep him and his crew? The tennis court? The entertainment lounge? The theater? Perhaps one of the prime sun chairs on the lido deck? No, I don't think so.”

    Alvin Courtin Bedder
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