Strategic Oil Reserves

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Strategic Oil Reserves

In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, President Bush is tapping the strategic oil reserve to help petroleum refiners. What do you think?
  • "It's a compassionate gesture in a time of natural disaster, but I’m warning you: One of these days, Bush's big heart is going to get him in trouble."

    Morton Karnes
    Butcher
  • "I'm against it. The Strategic Petroleum Reserve was created way back in 1973, during that passing fad of 'forward thinking.'"

    Alison Dumont
    Librarian
  • "The oil industry can't rely on soaring prices and record profits to weather this meteorological inconvenience. They need a hand up."

    Brian Arsenault
    Claims Adjuster