adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Stressed-Out Men Prefer Heavier Women

A new British study found that men placed in stressful situations tended to rate photographs of females with higher body mass indexes as more attractive than did stress-free men who were shown the same images. What do you think?

  • “That’s accurate. After a long day at work, I’ll masturbate to just about anything.”

    Arnie Goldblat Padding Gluer
  • “And everyone knows that women of all sizes prefer stressed-out, basket-case men, so it all works out.”

    Jill Tenvik Judge
  • “Wow. I had no idea how stressed my brother was.”

    Bruce Byrd Nut Roaster
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close