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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Stressed-Out Men Prefer Heavier Women

A new British study found that men placed in stressful situations tended to rate photographs of females with higher body mass indexes as more attractive than did stress-free men who were shown the same images. What do you think?

  • “That’s accurate. After a long day at work, I’ll masturbate to just about anything.”

    Arnie Goldblat Padding Gluer
  • “And everyone knows that women of all sizes prefer stressed-out, basket-case men, so it all works out.”

    Jill Tenvik Judge
  • “Wow. I had no idea how stressed my brother was.”

    Bruce Byrd Nut Roaster
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