Strokes On Rise In Young And Middle-Aged

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Vol 47 Issue 07

Trail Blazers Down To One Working Knee

PORTLAND, OR—According to sources close to the injury-plagued Portland Trail Blazers, after a series of knee injuries to center Marcus Camby and All-Star guard Brandon Roy, the team is now officially down to one good knee.

Tim Duncan Urges All-Stars To Use Inside Voice During Game

LOS ANGELES—Saying he understands how excited everyone can get during an All-Star game, Spurs center Tim Duncan made it clear Saturday that since the game is held inside the Staples Center, he expects members of both teams to put their outside voice...

Area Dad Just Wants Computer With The Basics

EDISON, NJ—Wary of paying too much for a new computer loaded with unnecessary bells and whistles, area dad Paul Moyers, 52, announced Friday that he just wants a regular, no-frills PC with only the basics.

Military Releases Drone's Suicide Note

In a shocking turn of events, embattled military drone plane TR425 destroyed itself. Military officials released the following suicide note written by the airplane.

Healthy Living Tips For Shawnas

Having a healthy lifestyle isn't just about staying out of the sun (or out of a tanning bed). Here are some simple tips to help Shawnas participate in a healthier life.
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Strokes On Rise In Young And Middle-Aged

Since 1995, the number of strokes among Americans age 15 to 34 has risen 51 percent for men and 17 percent for women. What do you think?

  • "That's encouraging. I really have a thing for ladies with right-side-dominant motor function, and it’s never been easy to meet them in my age group."

    Marc Valensi
    Systems Analyst
  • "Similarly, the number of people receiving $5 bills and a secondhand greeting card on their birthdays has spiked nearly 90 percent."

    Renée Hammond
    Drafter
  • "It's time that Billy Squier comes to terms with the fact that his song affects more people than simply those givin’ him the business all night long."

    Todd Fraiture
    Unemployed
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