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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Student-Loan Interest Cut

The House of Representatives voted to cut interest rates on certain student loans last week. What do you think?
  • "But the only excitement I have in my life is the cat-and-mouse game I play with my student loan officer."

    Georgia Cummings Systems Analyst
  • "I can't wait to tell my loan officer that I'll be paying back my loan two weeks earlier than my previously stated goal date of never."

    Jeffrey Cain Referee
  • "As this will inevitably entice many to purchase more education than they can afford, please let me know when I can buy one of those fancy educated brains at foreclosure."

    Robert Loehman Body Piercer
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